by Mrs. Gore [Catherine Gore].
Originally published in Ainsworth's Magazine: A Miscellany of Romance (Chapman and Hall) vol.3 #1 (1843).
Retire from business?—Shut up shop?—
Rundell and Bridge!—I charge ye, stop!
Think twice ere ye determine!
If you suspend your handiworks,
Where shall we find our spoons and forks—
Where diamonds to our ermine?
Reflect on all the happy pairs
Your plain gold rings have wrung with cares
In matrimonial trammel;
Reflect how many a cruel hoax
You've played on legacy-hunting folks
In black and gold enamel!
Think with what vile considerations
You've influenced the fate of nations,
By diamond snuff-box treason!
How you have raised the price, per carat,
Of royal phizzes, which men stare at,
Or, if the snuff wills, sneeze on!
Admit how many a joyous girl,
Bribed by your strings of Orient pearl,—
The trappings of a bride,—
To glitter like Golconda's queen,
Hath to a loathing duchess been
Sadly transmogrified!
Your racing cups, where jockeys bold
Speed neck and neck on prads of gold,
In hippodromiec glory;
Or where, with vast display of muscles,
Fierce Dares with Entellus tussles,
As sung in classic story!
Your salvers chased—your huge épergnes—
Your soup-tureens—your vase-like urns,
With tombstone-like inscription—
Of "Offered To Blank Blank, M.P.,"
Or "the late Bishop of this See,
By voluntary subscription!"
Your silver trowels, meet to grace
The royal hand, induced to trace
Some coin-sustain'd foundation
Of penitentiary or college
For checking sin, promoting knowledge,
Or polishing the nation!—
¥our Georges with all grace endued,—
Your stars of every magnitude,
The Guelphic,—Bath,—or Garter;
Those glittering bribes, which peer and prince
Have pocketed unblushing, since
The days of Magna Charta!
"These are your glorious works," oh! ye
Great pair, who, indivisibly
Immortalized in story are;—
Sternhold and Hopkins—(where's the fun?)
Are not more singularly one,
Or Albert and Victoria!
Pause, then, ye Ludgate kings, before
You close on us the golden door
Concentrating your riches!—
Without ye, none can bribe or wive,—
So, long as London Bridge shall live,
Long live our London Bridges!