(Leaves from a journal kept by No.3 in our street)
by Catherine Crowe.
Originally published in The Leader (Joseph Clatton, junr.) vol.1 #18 (27 Jul 1850).
Part III.
August 16th. I suppose it is the effect of the book, but my mistress is certainly lower than usual. I am sure she sighed several times over the ottoman. Ann has been telling her that our laundress's daughter has got into trouble with a young man, the footman at No. 11, and that her father has turned her out of doors; the footman won't marry her, and she's in great distress. My mistress wished to send her half-a-crown; but Ann refused to take it, saying that it was wrong to encourage such creatures, and that she deserved what she'd got. About half-past five Mr. Leslie called, he said he only looked in for an instant to show my mistress a newspaper containing an account of some fireworks at Margate. He seemed in a great hurry at first, and I thought he was not going to sit down; but he forgot his haste with reading about the fireworks, and staid nearly two hours. Then he recollected he had not dined, and went away.
17th, Just at six o'clock to-day, Mr. Page knocked at the door, and asked if Mrs. Joddrell was at home. Ann said "No;" but before he was out of hearing Mr. Leslie arrived, and Ann said "Yes" to the same enquiry. I saw Page turn round and watch Mr. Leslie in. He'll be offended, I fear. Mr. Leslie said he had called to bring my mistress the poems of Burns, which she had said she was unacquainted with; and he read her some of them.
18th. Mr. Leslie called at five, and left my mistress a beautiful bouquet. I thought Page was coming to try his luck again, for he just passed down the other side of the street at the same moment; but he only bowed to Mr. Leslie, and walked on. I saw he looked up at the window to try to get a glimpse of my mistress, but she was lying on the sofa. I suppose she thought Mr. Leslie was coming up, for she threw the shawl over her feet when she heard the knock. She asked Ann if she had not said she was at home; but Ann said he did not enquire—only asked how she was, and left the bouquet, with his compliments. She sent for a vase of water, and placed the flowers on the table beside her. They are very sweet, and perfume the whole room.
19th, A blank—nothing happened.
20th. Sunday. My mistress read the service and a sermon. In the evening Mr. Leslie came to tea. The conversation was directed to his unhappy friend by Mrs. Joddrell's enquiring if he had heard from him. He had received a letter dated Boulogne, very melancholy, and expressing entire indifference to life. This affair has evidently affected Mr. Leslie's spirits. He is by no means the gay young man he was. His voice and his whole demeanour are changed. He speaks lower, and his movements are much less rapid than they were. The conversation turned a good deal on the inanity of life—the want of interest and movement. Mrs. Joddrell admitted that she felt it very much. No doubt it was very wrong; for she had nothing in the world to complain of, whilst many people were environed by troubles and vexations. They both agreed how much better off men were, who had business to occupy them; business which they were forced to attend to: women in easy circumstances have nothing they are obliged to do. Mr. Leslie, admitting this, said that business, especially like his, which was mere routine, occupied the head but not the heart. Mrs. Joddrell smiled, and advised him to fall in love and get married; at which he blushed extremely; seeing which, she blushed too, and the conversation, after flagging a little, took another turn. Mr. Leslie was quite surprised when he looked at his watch to see that it was twelve o'clock. So he hastened away, promising to look in if he could on the following evening, to explain to Mrs. Joddrell some of the Scotch dialect in Burns, which she said she did not understand.
21st. I observe my mistress is much more contemplative than she used to be—she'll often sit with her needle or book in her hand for half an hour without making a stitch or turning a leaf. Probably thinking of the cares of her household, or anticipating her husband's return. She fell into this sort of reverie to-day several times. In the evening Mr. Leslie came, and they sat on the sofa together, looking over Burns, he reading aloud, and explaining what she did not comprehend. I observed that on one occasion, my mistress and Mr. Leslie being about to turn a leaf at the same moment, their hands came in contact, whereupon they both drew back without turning it at all. I suppose it was from an apprehension that the accident might recur; that Mr. Leslie presently shut the book without proceeding further in it. They are certainly two very modest and decorous young people; and Mr. Joddrell may think himself happy in having such a wife and such a friend. As Ann went upstairs to turn down the beds I observed that she put her ear to the drawing-room door for some minutes—no doubt to listen to the verses Mr. Leslie was reading—a very laudable taste for a person in her condition.
22nd. To-day, at five o'clock, Mr. Leslie called to tell my mistress there was a report abroad that the Island of Jamaica had been swallowed up by an earthquake. My mistress turned pale and was exceedingly shocked, for she said she had a cousin living there; thereupon Mr, Leslie assured her that he did not believe a word of it, and that nobody did. Whilst he was sitting there, who should call but Mrs. Page. As Ann had no orders about her, she hesitated, not knowing whether to say yes or no; but, whilst she was deliberating, Mrs. Page walked past her and ascended the stairs. On seeing this, Ann ran up after her, and was just in time to open the drawing-room door and announce her. Not supposing the lady was in town, and thinking it wag Mr. Page, my mistress said hurriedly, "You know I told you I was not at home;" no doubt Mrs. P. heard it, for she was close behind the maid, and she stalked into the room with a very dignified air; whilst my poor mistress, conscious that she must have given offence, blushed and looked quite confused; and so did Mr. Leslie, who naturally participated in her embarrassment. These things are very embarrassing, especially with such a person as Mrs. Page, who, instead of having good-nature and tact enough to appear as if she had not heard it, held herself as stiff as a poker, casting her pig's eyes from one to the other, and speaking in short sharp sentences, like the barks of a snappish cur. She enquired very particularly when Mr. Joddrell was coming back, and declared her total inability to have remained a month separated from Page; admitting, however, with great candour, that "people's feelings are different." Shortly after she came in, Mr. Leslie took his leave, I am very sorry she came at all, for her disagreeable manners put my poor mistress quite out of spirits, and she wept a good deal in the evening.
23rd, 24th, 25th. Blanks—nothing happened.
26th. I saw Mr. Leslie coming through the street at five o'clock to-day, and I was in hopes he was about to call; but he walked past the house very fast, and seemed in a great hurry; presently he passed back again on the other side, and looked up at the window, but mistress was not in sight. Perhaps he did not like to call, lest he should meet that horrid Mrs. Page again. I hope she's gone out of town.
27th. I am afraid my mistress is getting ill—it is, doubtless, from the dull life she leads: but her spirits are far from being as good as they used to be. After she had read the service to-day she fell into a passion of tears, that at length became quite hysterical. Ann, hearing her as she passed the door, came in, and gave her water and sal volatile. In the evening there came a very gentle knock at the door, and the night being dark I did not know who it was, till I heard Mr. Leslie's voice asking how Mrs. Joddrell was to-night. Ann said she was very poorly, whereupon he seemed to be going away—but Ann told him he had better walk up, as it "might do Missus good to see him;" so he did. I thought he seemed rather shy when he came in, and my mistress was a little stiff; but, when he began saying how sorry he was to hear she had been so ill, that soon wore off. She said she believed it was only the confinement that had depressed her spirits. He said that was extremely likely, and that it was unfortunate all her friends were out of town at this season, as that made her so lonely; but she said that did not much signify, as she did not care at all for the people she had made acquaintance with since she was married. "Perhaps," said she, "it is my fault; but I don't think they like me more than I like them. In my uncle's house in the country, where I lived before I was married, we were a large party of young people, and there was always a great deal of laughing, and dancing, and fun of all sorts going on, quite different to the dull dinner parties I have been asked to since I came here—not, to be sure, that we are troubled with many of them; so I need not complain on that score. Are all London parties so dull?" she enquired.
"Oh, no," replied Mr. Leslie; "there is plenty of dancing and gaiety here too; but Joddrell always kept to the dinner set, because he would not go out of an evening."
"No," replied my mistress, "he never will; I have only got him to the play once since we were married. He says he is so tired with being at the office all day, and having to get up so early, that he can't bear to move after dinner."
"Yes, Joddrell was always very quiet," said Mr. Leslie.
"Yet, when he was down in the country at my uncle's, before we were married, he was not so quiet," replied she.
"He was animated by what he had in view," said Mr. Leslie, not without blushing a little; for he is certainly a singularly modest young man. Mrs. Joddrell sighed.
"In the country," said she, "I had not only plenty of society in the house, but I had plenty of fresh air, and could be out all day if I liked; but in this hateful London one can get neither air, nor exercise, nor society, nor anything else. It may do very well for people that have a carriage, but it's a miserable thing to be shut up as I am."
And my poor mistress spoke with a degree of impatience I had never observed before—but she was irritable from confinement; the tears stood in her eyes, and she became quite flushed. Mr. Leslie seemed distressed, and at a loss how to offer her consolation. He looked as if he could have said much, but did not know how to say it. No doubt the subject was delicate. Presently my mistress recovered herself, and turned the conversation into another channel. When Mr. Leslie took his leave, I observed that there was something very tender, and at the same time respectful, in his manner. He said that he was always afraid of intruding on her too much, and that that apprehension frequently deterred him from calling when he otherwise should do so. But she told him that, being so much alone, it was a real charity to come and see her. It was past twelve when he went away, and when he opened the drawing-room door Ann, whose ear was at the keyhole, had scarcely time to slip down stairs, I suppose she was anxious for his departure, that she might get to bed.
28th. My mistress can move about the room now, but she looks very poorly, and is in very low spirits. She opened the pianoforte and played a sonata, but she does not rattle over the keys as she used to do; her hand seems heavy and languid; but I fancy she is not very fond of music, which is to be regretted, as it would serve to amuse her if she were. In the evening Mr. Leslie came; he said he thought Joddrell might have arrived, perhaps, and he came to hear the news from Margate. Seeing the pianoforte open, he requested my mistress to play to him, which she did, whilst he stood beside her and turned over the leaves. Then she discovered he could sing, a thing she was not aware of before; and he sang "Fly from the world, oh, Bessy, to me!" and several other pretty songs by the same author, from memory, accompanying himself. My mistress expressed much surprise at this accomplishment having remained so long concealed. She sat beside him listening with great delight, and looking more happy and animated than I have seen her do for a long time. After he was gone, she sat down with her feet on the fender—for the evening being chilly she had a fire—and fell into a reverie. When Ann came to assist her up stairs, she told her that she might go to bed, and that she could manage for herself to-night; and she sat there till it was near two o'clock and the fire was quite out.
29th. A letter from my master to say he will be home to-morrow. My mistress sent out to buy the songs that Mr. Leslie sang last night, and amused herself with them all the morning. After dinner Mr. Leslie came, bringing some music with him, and they had another delightful evening. As my mistress seems so fond of singing, I can't help wishing my master could sing as well as Mr. Leslie does. When he went away she bade him be sure to come the next evening to see Henry, and hear all about Margate, which he promised to do.
30th. My mistress more animated to-day than I have usually seen her of late—giving orders to the servants, and preparing for Mr. Joddrell's arrival. However he did not come to dinner, as she expected; and when Mr. Leslie came at eight o'clock, thinking to find him here, he was disappointed, and doubtful whether to come in or not; but Mrs. Joddrell hearing him at the door, she called over the stairs to beg he would walk up, which he did, and they sat chatting and listening for the coach till ten o'clock, and then they gave up all hopes of Mr. Joddrell's arrival for that night, knowing that the stage he was to come by reached the Elephant and Castle exactly at half-past eight. Mr. Leslie said he believed it was time to say "Good evening;" but my mistress begged him once more to sing "Remember the days;" so he sat down to the pianoforte, and, when there, they turned over leaf after leaf till it was past twelve, and Mr. Leslie was just thinking of going, when there came a knock at the door.
"Gracious! can that be Joddrell?" said my mistress.
Mr. Leslie started, and did not make any answer; but the colour came into his face, from surprise, 1 suppose; whilst my mistress opened the drawing-room door to listen.
"It is," said she, "I declare! I hear them letting down the steps of the coach;" and down she ran to meet her husband. Mr. Leslie looked as if he did not know whether to follow her or stay where he was; and remained at the top of the stairs with an air of irresolution, whilst the coachman was paid and the luggage deposited in the hall. Just at this crisis arrived Mr. Page. He had seen the coach stop as he was passing the door, and stept in to welcome my master home.
"How late you are, Henry," said Mrs. Joddrell. "At ten o'clock I gave you up, for I thought that you wrote that the coach came in at eight o'clock."
"So it does," replied Mr. J.; "but I came by sea, and the packet did not get in till eleven."
"Well, good night!" said Page; "I am glad to see you back."
"Oh, come up stairs a minute, do," said my master.
"It's too late," answered Page. "It's past twelve."
"Never mind! I'm going to have a bit of supper. Come up and take a glass of something."
So Mr. Page acceded, and they ascended together.
"Hallo!" cried Page, seeing Mr. Leslie at the top of the stairs, "who's this?"
"How do you do?" said Mr. Leslie to my master, "What has made you so late?"
"He came by sea," replied my mistress, whilst Mr. Leslie and Mr. Joddrell shook hands.
I could not help thinking there was a want of cordiality about Mr. Leslie's manner—perhaps it arose from embarrassment, for he certainly did look embarrassed; though I can't think why.
"I looked in," said he, "expecting to find you here."
"And, as he did not come, you staid to comfort his wife, I suppose?" observed Mr. Page. "I'll tell you what, Joddrell, I'd have you look sharp after that young chap. Mind, Leslie, when I go out of town Mrs. Page is not at home; so you need not trouble yourself to call."
Mr. Leslie laughed at this; but I don't think he liked it, for he grew very red again; and my mistress looked really angry with Mr. Page for his impertinence. However, Mr. Joddrell desired his wife to order some supper, and bade both the gentlemen stay and take a glass of brandy and water with him, which they did, and had a deal of chat about Margate and its gaieties. The air certainly seems to have agreed with master, for he is grown very fat; I am doubtful, however, whether he is improved by it; I think it makes him look heavier.
On the following day Mr. Joddreli returned to his office, and things resumed their previous train; only Mr. Leslie did not call as often as he used before my master went to Margate. Indeed, he allowed three weeks to elapse without a visit; and then Mr. Joddrell, wondering what had become of him, sent to beg he would come to dinner; after which he dropt in as formerly.
About this time, I observed my mistress began to be poorly and lose her appetite, and I was really getting uneasy about her, till I saw her very busy about certain little articles that awakened my suspicions; and a conversation I overheard between her and my master also threw a light on the subject. Although she locked ill, her spirits greatly improved; indeed, she was as happy and merry again as ever; and then there was such a hemming of cambric and herring-boning of flannels; such cutting and contriving and trimming of little caps and shirts, that it was a benediction to see it. Master seemed pleased, too, in his quiet way; but he was never either as glad or as sorry as she was about any thing.
At length, one day, I observed that my mistress did not rise at her usual time; presently the doctor was sent for; and, about three o'clock in the afternoon, I heard a tiny voice protesting, with all the energy its owner could command, against the sudden summons to appear in court. After undergoing certain preliminary operations, the new comer was laid beside its mother in the bed, and Mr. Joddrell was called up to see it.
"Isn't it pretty, Henry?" said the wife.
"It's very red," said Mr. Joddrell.
"All babies are red, Sir," replied the nurse.
"What lovely blue eyes she has! hasn't she, Henry?" exclaimed Mrs. J. "I'm sure she'll be pretty."
"It's impossible to say," replied Mr. Joddrell. "There's no telling what such a thing as that will be; but how do you feel, Lizzy?"
"I feel very well," answered my mistress; "but I am so disappointed you don't admire the baby. I think she is so pretty."
"I dare say it's like all other babies," answered Mr. Joddrell.
"Yes, Sir, they be all much alike," said the nurse.
Mrs. Joddrell was of a very different opinion; but, perceiving it was useless to argue the case, she dropt the subject, contenting herself with feasting her eyes on her baby's face, and wondering at other people's blindness.