by Leigh Hunt.
Originally published in The Companion (Hunt and Clarke) vol.1 #19 (14 May 1828).
We know not whether the following joke is old. It was new to us, who boast of being great readers of anecdotes and jest-books. If it be objected, that it turns upon an infirmity, we answer that none could be more averse than ourselves to repeating stories of that kind, unless of infirmities obtruded or turned into vanities, like those ridiculed in the imitations of Mr Mathews; for which in our critical days we unwisely found fault with him. But although the case before us is not a similar one, all ungraciousness is taken out of the jest, by the fact of its having been told us by a wag of the first water, himself a stammerer.
A good-natured elderly gentleman, sick but smiling, was recommended, for an impediment in his speech, to take the benefit of sea-bathing. He accordingly went down to Margate, and being no swimmer, but philosophical withal, committed himself into the hands of two or three strong fellows to be dipped. While preparing himself in the machine, he explained, with the usual difficulty of utterance, how it was that he came to be a bather; and then spoke of the confidence he had in the care and skill of the persons present, who took great pains to preserve their gravity before a gentleman so good-humoured; and as soon as he was ready, took him in hand. He had repeated some of his latter observations several times, and appeared anxious to repeat another when they assured him that there was no necessity; that they understood the case very well; and doubted not that he would be satisfied.
The gentleman had four dips in all. After the first he came up, panting, and crying Oh, but smiling; and the men, construing a gesticulation he made into "farther orders," dipped him again. At the second, he came up, blind and panting, but still gesticulating; and was dipped again. Great earnestness and haste at the third, and was again dipped. At the fourth, he spoke, and was dipped no more; but how he exclaimed every time, and what he spoke at last, will be best seen, as follows:—
First dip;—up comes the gentleman, drenched and panting, but smiling, and crying out—"O-O-"
Second dip;—drench as before—"0-0-0-"
Third dip;—great vehemence and gesticulation—"0-0-0-0-"
"Certainly, Sir."—Fourth dip;—"0-0-0—Only once."
He was to have been dipped "only once;" but could not get it out.