Thursday, April 2, 2026

April Musings—By an April Fool

by Mrs. Gore [Catherine Gore].

Originally published in Ainsworth's Magazine: A Miscellany of Romance (Chapman and Hall) vol.4 #4 (Apr 1843).


                April!—whose gentle voice reprieves
                The flying fox, when budding leaves
                        Are seen the hawthorn trees on,
                Scared by thy violet-scented gale,
                My lord and lady start, per rail,
                        To London for the Season!

                Arrived in Grosvenor Square, my lord
                Is heard to mutter,—"'Pon my word,
                        What with the Chartists' treason,—
                The Income-tax,—the Anti-League,—a
                Frightful earthquake in Antigua,—
                        'Twill be a precious Season!

                "For olive-branches, shooting forth
                At home, abroad, the east, the north,
                        Laud we the gods our knees on;
                But if no levées crowd St. James's,
                The peace that seals our Indian claims is
                        No Godsend to the Season!

                "While falling thus the price of stocks is,
                His French Play stalls, or Opera boxes,
                        Who can reflect with ease on?
                But that I hate to make a fuss,
                My own seat in the Omnibus
                        I'd vacate for the Season!

                "But why upon retrenchment ponder?
                Her ladyship sits planning yonder
                        Fêtes without rhyme or reason,—
                Concerts and banquets,—Weippert,—Gunter,—
                All that the wildest pleasure-hunter
                        Squanders upon the Season!

                "Though ne'er did national distress
                So grimly on our notice press,
                        As all the world agrees on;
                I doubt if Vouillon, Laure, or Dévy,
                Will make her bills a doit less heavy
                        In catering for the Season!

                "And why promote in parliament
                Commercial treaties, to augment
                        Imported goods the fees on,
                If Lyons silks and Flanders lace
                Be indispensable to grace
                        The beauties of the Season?

                "Her chariot, launch'd two years ago,
                Now grown old-fashion'd,—snobbish,—slow,—
                        No longer seems to please! On
                Every new turn-out of Barker's,
                She frets, lest it should charm the park, as
                        The crack one of the Season!

                "Upon a 'perfect lady's horse'
                Her heart is set;—her mare, of course,
                        'Tis now her cue to sneeze on;—
                Oh! that ye would transport, ye Fates,
                Both Stanhope Street and Grosvenor Gates
                        To Somnauth—for the Season!

                "When by a scene I trust I've cowed her,
                She answers me by rattling louder
                        Her grand-piano keys on;
                Hinting, 'twixt every waltz of Strauss,
                The Commons is the only house
                        To prose in—in the Season!

                "To let or sell, some few months hence,
                This 'Capital Town Residence,'
                        Some pretext I must seize on;
                For what between the times and her,
                Neither my means nor character
                        Will stand another Season!"

                So grumble lords of high degree,
                While I submit to Destiny,
                        Nor comment her decrees on;
                A fly upon the wheel of Fate,
                The whole round world is my estate,—
                        The whole year round—my Season!

My Bush Honeymoon

Guy Boothby's Last and Best Story. by Guy Boothby. Originally published in The Novel Magazine ( C. Arthur Pearson, Ltd. ) vol. 2 # 1...